Ronaldo leaves hospital on Monday afternoon.
Lisbon, Portugal - Football superstar Cristiano Ronaldo was last night celebrating the birth of his first child after successfully getting his right hand pregnant after ‘months of trying.’
The Real Madrid winger, more used to defying the laws of physics than biology, is said to be ecstatic with the news and allegedly now has a right hand that can crush boulders into dust.
However Ronaldo’s joy was tempered by predictable observations that his choice of conception mirrored that of fellow Latino Ricky Martin.
“Contrary to tittle tattle and his questionable dress sense I can confirm Cristiano is not homosexual – although he does like Glee,” confirmed weary agent Luis Tubole, “in fact he is so straight that he is prohibited from sharing an enclosed space with Chuck Norris in case their rampant testostorone tears a whole in the fabric of reality.”
Mr Tubole also confirmed for press that the only man Cristiano fancies, and will ever fancy, is himself, although he did not rule out the possibility that the fickle footballer may change his mind when he ages significantly. The father himself is said to be delighted but ultimately ‘exhausted’ after spending the last few years gazing adoringly at himself and shaving off his body hair.
Cristiano Jesus Ronaldo Jr weighs 8oz and is doing well. Crab Football wishes them all the best.
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14 Responses to “Ronaldo Succeeds In Getting Right Hand Pregnant”
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July 7th, 2010 at 6:59 am
He would have been a father sooner had he not done too many crossovers/stepovers -apparently the friction cuts out blood supply to the jumbulanis.
I can vouch for this – I once crossed my legs too quickly and developed a high pitch voice for a week.
July 23rd, 2010 at 8:47 pm
Look at his legs XD
July 28th, 2010 at 6:21 pm
Hmmmmm. Sexy.
August 4th, 2010 at 6:28 am
Hello ?Stop. Mr.Crab ?Stop.Where we at ? Stop.Not still on holiday I hope.Stop.Where’s our usual fix ?Stop.The season is 10 days away- we need your input .Stop.The natives are getting restless .Stop.Please come home ,all’s forgiven.Stop.Letter follow .Stop.Raja1957.Stop.
August 4th, 2010 at 6:29 am
Sorry – letter follows.
August 6th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
We’ll be back Raja – fear not. Just having some ‘technical’ difficulties.
August 12th, 2010 at 2:27 pm
thats nice
August 29th, 2010 at 8:28 pm
good photo ..bad legs:)))
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September 1st, 2010 at 11:50 pm
Cristiano is the best athlete in the world!
September 3rd, 2010 at 10:56 am
have you retired?
September 4th, 2010 at 12:32 am
No we’re back this week. Everyone knows the season doesn’t start till the transfer window closes. Honest.
January 6th, 2011 at 5:00 pm
Heii Ronadoo U’Look Gwd I’Love How U’Playy…!! Att:Nenaa”))
June 29th, 2011 at 10:56 pm
u r my star
the best player ever
too good skills
June 29th, 2011 at 10:57 pm
my fan