"They treated me like a piece of meat."

Cape Town, South Africa – The Jabulani match ball today finally broke her silence on this years World Cup and sensationally put the boot into French football, claiming the Les Bleus were technically inferior to other footballing nations and couldn’t use her properly.

The oval whore, seen in the company of numerous football players this World Cup, accused French footballers of being  “complacent, inattentive and sloppy” and accused ace midfielder Ribery of being “arrogant and very French like.”

However the spherical slut didn’t stop there, adding that the French surrender monkeys deserved to be dumped out at the group stage before positively purring over the Spaniards superior skills, adding that France’s rivals could “stroke her around the pitch all night long.”

ACCUSATIONS

“Part of me was glad to be introduced to the French squad,” revealed the the plastic coated slapper, “but it became clear that I was something of a passing novelty to them, something to be looked at and poked but not understood. No sooner had a group of them started batting me about for a few minutes than one of them would suddenly air some new grievance – usually about who would sit where on the bus – and whip the others into a frenzy. Before you knew it they were arming themselves with pitch forks and charging the managers door whilst I lay there neglected and un-used like Peter Beardsley’s baby maker. The only one who cared was Thierry who’d sometimes man handle me when no one was looking.”

However a spokesman for the French national team was quick to deny these claims and offered an alternative hypothesis:

“Once Ribery, Cisse and Gignac heard the words ‘under developed’ and ‘virgin’ they wanted nothing to do with the ball. Once bitten twice shy..”

Leaving Movida with John and Frank: "They were very heavy handed. I'm still sore to this day."