"To Heathrow?"

The owner of Hill Top Taxis, Dale Watkins, last night confirmed to press that his finest Estonian taxi driver had been dispatched to Stamford Bridge to collect “one passenger.”

‘It’s just rand the corner,’ Mr Watkins was quoted as saying, verifying internet rumours that Mr Abramovich had ordered a taxi for Italian supremo Carlo Ancelotti following Chelsea’s 3-1 capitulation to Arsenal FC.

In unrelated news Ray Wilkins is said to be pissing himself with laughter.