"A real trooper."

Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson today threw cold water over rumours linking the league leaders to Lassana Diarra; stating that midfield dynamo Owen Hargreaves, last seen in the year of our Lord 1839, was ‘raring to heal.’

Ferguson described Hargreaves ‘as a real battler’, regaling press with tales of  how the England international had recently fought off the spectre of Death with his crutches at the Carrington training ground, much to the delight of his watching team mates.

‘Owen is gearing up for excessive period of healing which will hopefully lead to some training, maybe some reserve games and potentially some tangible first team action in the form of the Carling Cup. If not it’s the knackers yard.’