Unstoppable. Unloveable.

Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United played pass the parcel with pole position this weekend as all three won their respective games.

A Malouda fuelled Chelsea first dispatched bitter rivals West Ham in an early 4-1 win on Saturday before young pretenders Arsenal squeezed past Hull thanks to a 93′ winner from Niklas Bendtner and in spite of the efforts of referee Mike Riley. Who peppered proceedings with a  series of bizarre decisions. Firstly awarding Hull a penalty to an offside Vennegoor of Hesselink before belatedly sending off George Baoteng after a series of rash incidents – including poking Bendtner in the eye off the ball and then attempting to snap Sagna’s knee. As you do.

However Hull manager Brown Phil, channelling counterpart Arsene Wenger, managed to see something the rest of the country missed – a ‘clear’ sending off for a perfect, if robust, tackle from Campbell on Zayate which resulted in the Hull man limping off the pitch.

The Premiership will certainly be less colourful when he’s gone, in more ways than one, but certainly more palpable.

Manchester United returned to the summit on Sunday despite being far from their fluid best – but still good enough to dispatch Fulham 3-0 at Old Trafford, with England talisman Rooney netting twice to bring his season total to 4,381.

Knowing the nations luck he’ll be struck by an articulated lorry on the eve of the World Cup and our nations hopes will rest on the fragile shoulders of Darren Bent.

Sunderland’s revival continued on Sunday as they held Champions League wannabes Manchester Lite 1-1 at the Stadium of Light – however not even Craig Gordan’s heroics between the sticks could deny Manchester Lite a share of the spoils. He was eventually beaten by a stunning injury time equaliser from the left peg of Adam Johnson.

Meanwhile Champions League hopefuls Aston Villa played out a coma inducing 0-0 draw with Stoke City. (Arrrghhhh make it stop.) Tottenham Hotspur played with confidence and intent in a spicy 3-1 win over Blackburn – who had a late screamer from Nikola Kalinic chalked off harshly by Howard Webb. The spoil sport. However the talking point of the day was how good Gareth Bale was. He’s gone from one man liability to driving impetus of the team during the course of the season and, if he was fortunate enough to be born in England, would surely be deputising for Cashley in South Africa.

Bolton bashed Wigan 4-0 (Elmander scored and everything – that is progress) and appeared to be pulling clear of the relegation battle whilst Coyle’s ex, poor old Burnley – who look like they’re just making up numbers now, lost to an impressive Wolves side. Brian Laws is really making Owen Coyle look like Alex Ferguson and will soon be back where he belongs. The Championship. (”I will carry you Frodo.”)*

And lastly plucky Birmingham City continued to defy the odds by coming back to draw 2-2 with a bullish Everton side who, had it not been for their early season wobble, would surely be scrapping with Lite, Spurs and Villa for fourth spot. Alex McLeish should be thankful for Lite’s generosity as stopper Joe Hart pulled off the sort of impressive saves that has transformed him from a World Cup wannabe to a World Cup maybe.

"I'm out of my league - in more ways than one."

* C’mon! He looks like Sam Gamgee.