October 3rd, 2010
"I see you."
Morning muggles. Sorry I haven’t blogged of late it’s been tough getting a wi-fi connection out here on the goal trail. Yeah that’s right, goals as in plural. Not only did I net a brace against Scunthorpe (which you can watch here, preserved forever like my youthful, never ageing face, I’m the Dorian Grey of the Premiership bitches) but I also bagged another header against Bolton. In the Premier League no less. We might as well just call it what it is; a hat-trick of goals.
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September 16th, 2010
Well well well we meet again loyal readers. What are the chances? Me an international football icon who can be mistaken for Ryan Reynolds at a distance and you, a nondescript fellow of minimal importance groping in the dark recess of the internet for porn, who no doubt stumbled upon my diary by googling LIVERPOOL + SEX GOD + PROLIFIC.
You lucky beast.
So what have I been doing all these months I hear you ask? Pre-tell Michael what has occupied your days since the World Cup finished and the start of the Premier League season?
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July 4th, 2010
It no longer hurts....
Hello again! It is I, your lord and saviour Michael Owen, I apologise for not writing sooner but I’ve been digesting last Sundays result and letting the cold hard reality sink in. It’s all over loyal fans. It appears we’ll all have to wait patiently for another four years before I, Michael Phillip Owen, can once again attempt to hold the Jules Rimet trophy in my clammy tinny hands. By the 2014 World Cup I’ll be 34 years young, meaning that thereafter the probability of me being a World Cup winner slips from the realms of ‘inevitable’ to ’slightly unlikely.’
Even with a weeks distance from that capitulation it is difficult to comprehend how we crumpled so badly against the Germans, they’re not that good. Last time I played them I netted a hat-trick. And I got a hat-trick against Wolfsburg if you’re interested. Which you are.
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June 25th, 2010
Suited and booted and ready to rock bitches.
Well loyal readers the World Cup is going great isn’t it? The first game against the US of A highlighted exactly why I’m here and why Emile Heskey should be put out to seed. Preferably in a mine field.
On a personal level it was hard to watch the game knowing that Capello was probably saving me for a more important clash, I sat on the big bench behind the little bench the players were on, either watching through my fingers or yelling for him to bring me on. I kept pleading, “Fabio! Fabio! Now is the hour! LOVE ME!” But the distance was too great and my brittle voice was drowned out by the cacophony of fans around me, the vuvuzelas and a brass band.
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June 8th, 2010
A rare photo of Ledley in action. Frame it.
Morning readers! How are you today in grey, blustery and comforting England? I can tell you that, minus the locals and poor people, that South Africa is AMAZING. It’s great to be here on the eve of the World Cup knowing that you’re one of the few. One of the elite. One of the chosen. When you face a fellow England international in the Premier League you instinctively recognise one another as equals and share a rapport that cannot be broken. NEVER BROKEN. It is good to be back amongst my brothers.
Yesterday I had my first team talk with the manager in the hotel car park. It was very exciting! Capello looked me dead in the eye and said to me, mano to mano, “Owen. Keep your distance.”
“Keep my distance,” I replied. Nodding and hanging on every word, listening intently to his words of wisdom. It was great he was talking to me again! “Like I’m playing….. in the hole?”
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