Hull relegation confirmation shocker.

So the door finally shuts on the penultimate round of Premiership fixtures this season with only a few last loose ends to tie up. And pretty important loose ends at that I may add. Firstly who finish in fourth spot? And more importantly will Chelsea be able to win at home to Wigan to seal the title? Who knows. Bobby Zamora has turned himself from national joke to periphery England squad member so if nothing else we’ve learnt this year not to take anything for granted. Charles N’Zogbia could have a blinder and I’ll end up eating my words.

So what have we learnt this week?

1) That Roy Hodgson clearly deserves the manager of the year award. No debate. Three days after leading his Fulham side to the Europa League final thanks to a historic 2-1 win over Hamburg he led his team to their first home win over West Ham in 44 years. Which is pretty good. Especially with a squad as deep as a paddling pool and cobbled together from the four corners of Europe. What self respecting team would have Chris Baird in their team? Even Northern Ireland would think twice if they had other options. So many congratulations to you Mr Hodgson.

Fulham 3 – West Ham 2 (Highlights)

Read the rest of this entry »

Glitch in the Matrix. Kalou hat-trick

So the Premier League is nearly ready to crawl back into it’s cave for another Summer leaving us with only the World Cup to fill the dark void in our lives that no amount of X-Box or self loathing can fill. So what have we learnt during this second-to-last penultimate weekend? Other than women aren’t attracted to sun burnt men and don’t respond well to invitations to ‘dance on my cock.’ What bombshell’s have landed at our feet like a pin point Fabregas through ball?

1) That West Ham United are safe for another season thanks to Burnely and Hull’s respective loses. Which is nice. West Ham’s inclusion in the Premier League is something of a necessity as they provide many teams, who are better run in almost all aspects, with something to point and laugh at. In Newcastle Uniteds absence they are the yard stick by which teams like Birmingham, Bolton and Sunderland can measure mediocrity. Did we finish above West Ham? Check. Are we still a Premier League team? Check. Are we solvent? Check. Good. Job done. Pass ‘Go’ and collect your TV rights money for another season.

Read the rest of this entry »

Smiling on the inside

Chelsea claimed three vital points in the race for the Premier League title as they leapfrogged Manchester United in a 2-1 win on Saturday afternoon.

United, bereft of star striker Wayne Rooney, looked distinctly average and were undone by a piece of Joe Cole trickery in the 20 minute when the personality deprived midfielder back heeled past Van Der Sar from close range.

Fernando Macheda and Didier Drogba both scored contentious goals late on but Chelsea held on for a deserved win. Carlo Ancelotti later told press that United were “not the same team without him (Rooney)” (here) whilst Ferguson told press that with five games left the title was Chelsea’s to lose.

At least they both agree with each other.

Read the rest of this entry »

Unstoppable. Unloveable.

Chelsea, Arsenal and Manchester United played pass the parcel with pole position this weekend as all three won their respective games.

A Malouda fuelled Chelsea first dispatched bitter rivals West Ham in an early 4-1 win on Saturday before young pretenders Arsenal squeezed past Hull thanks to a 93′ winner from Niklas Bendtner and in spite of the efforts of referee Mike Riley. Who peppered proceedings with a  series of bizarre decisions. Firstly awarding Hull a penalty to an offside Vennegoor of Hesselink before belatedly sending off George Baoteng after a series of rash incidents – including poking Bendtner in the eye off the ball and then attempting to snap Sagna’s knee. As you do.

Read the rest of this entry »

Care in the community is a dangerous thing.

Liverpool made up some vital ground in the race for the fourth and final Champions League spot by beating Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 on Wednesday night. Liverpool were made to work hard for the win but deserved the points thanks to a goal in either half from Dirk Kuyt. Yes Dirk Kuyt. Tottenham had chances to get themselves back into the game but after the weekends 0-0 draw with Hull they just can’t seem to buy a goal at the moment – which is ironic given they had Pavlyuchenko and Keane on the bench. Maybe it’s time to re-think they’re transfer policy?

Or they could just buy Ruud Van Nistelroy… (here)

Read the rest of this entry »